so.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY.....MEEEEEEEE.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!

wow

life is stressful. i feel like im far below rock bottom. its like nothing can go right. im still looking for a job. i swear it is impossible to find one. i have applyed to so many places and ive even applyed more than once to a lot of places and no one is hiring. the only places i can think of are phone jobs. and im really scared to get one of those because i know i couldnt do it. i could not sit there and listen to people drag on about stupid things. but im worried i might have to, i just know that i wont be able to keep it and i need a job i can keep. it feels like i am just dead. dead to everything. the world is like falling down around me and im sitting back in a freakin lawn chair and watching it all happen. i feel like things are just getting harder and harder. i thought getting school out of the way was going to help. and shit got worse. and to make everything worse i broke a freakin string on my guitar. that pissed me off. yay for being at the bottom of the ocean and not being able to breathe. i just dont know how much more of this i can take. im trying so hard to just swim up to the surface but i cant even see it anymore. i cant wait for things to finally start going right and finally feel good about myself. well im off to bed to so i can wake up for another stressful day. what else lies ahead for me i wonder. sorry for this depressing and long and probably boring blog. but i needed to just babble on about my boring and dull life. most of this is just feelings because im deep in depression and i dont mean a lot of it. but its just what comes out of the top of my head.