its been a long time

I havnt done this in freakin forever so i thought i was due. My life is still the same. Still working at burlington, still working through personal problems, same old same old. i almost went to ohio for a record deal, but turns out it was just a hoax like most things in life. but im still writing with my band, and also my own stuff. music is still my everything. my studio manager is going to teach me how to produce and so ill be able to help in the studio and he is trying to get a way to get a copy right on a label so he can sign local bands to help them get out the door and he wants me to help him with it. so that is awesome. there really isnt anything to say because everything is the same every day. nothing changes. you struggle to live and you live to struggle. thats just how it works. its been a crazy year so far. its been hard to get through. but someday ill be on that stage living my dream. its just gunna take time. but i promise you that i will make it.

NEW CAR!!!

I GOT A NEW CAR! its amazing and i love it and its my favorite car ive ever had. haha i have bad luck with cars. but this one WILL last me for freakin ever! if you want to see it youll just have to come over because im to lazy to take pictures of it and put it on here. haha. thats pretty much the only thing in my life that has changed so far. haha. still working, writing music, and thats about it. OH and pooping. i cant forget that one

KITTY

so most of you have probably heard me talking about me having a kitty. and you probably didnt believe me. well, i now have proof! she lives with my friend though since mom wont let me bring her home haha :( oh well i will take her with me when i move out. well here is some pictures of my gorgeous kitty marilyn.i love her :) shes so freakin cute. she falls asleep on me all the time its funny. well theres my kitty. isnt she adorable? i never thought i could love an animal so much but she proved to me that i could.

epic

so its like im not suppose to be happy for one freakin second. yesterday i got this amazing news, it was a very very good opertunity for my band. and that was the first time i have been truly happy in monthes. it felt so good and i loved it. but today my happienss was shot down because i got in a stupid freakin car accident. of course. story of my life. things just have to get worse and worse.

sorry

im sorry that all my blogs latley are just me ranting on about my stupid boring life and how im depressed but thats all i got to talk about. just when it seems my life couldnt get any worse. it does. i have found out some very hard facts tonight. and it has made me wonder why all of this is happening to me. i used to know what happiness was. why is my whole life filled with this. its like i cant excape sadness for more than 5 seconds. its like im not allowed to be happy, im not allowed to have anything i want. what i want is far from my reach and i will never ever be able to get it back. it is long gone. and i hate it. i hate thinking about it so much. i have lost someone in my life that was so important to me and i cant get it out of my head. it is by far the hardest thing i have ever gone through in my life. hands down. nothing seems to be getting better. even though everyone says, dont worry just let time do its thing and everything will be better. its not the end of the world. well in my eyes it is. how much more time can i wait for things to get better. because ive been waiting, ive been letting time go by, and things arnt getting better, they are getting worse and worse as time goes by. im sorry this is all i talk about, but this is how i get out my emotion. i just dont know what else to do.

yep

so ive been working at burlington for like 3 weeks now i think. and its fun. of course it sucks because its work and everyone hates work. but its not bad at all. the best part of it is the people i work with. they are all so freakin cool and layed back. its awsome. thats what makes the job worth it. i just hope that after the season they keep me and give me a raise or something. because i really dont want to get another job. but i need more money. im not living here forever. well anyways. my job is the only good thing going in my life right now. everything else is still just a huge pile of shit.

TURNING ON ANOTHER ROAD

so ive been going though a lot of crap the last couple months. trying to figure a lot of things out and just random things poping up in the way. first matter. my band is now broken up. that band is no more and is left in the past. the times were amazing and awsome and i wouldnt trade it for anything. its sad to see it go but better things lay ahead. im now playing music with my best friend alex. im sure you guys dont like him very much, but give him a chance. look past the makeup and how he dresses. think about it i dress the same way i just dont wear makeup. hes a good kid, dont judge before you know him. but anyways. me and him are writing music that is very different from what we were doing before and its amazing. we are looking for new members and we have big goals that will be reached you just wait. im not sure if anyone cares about this but im telling you anyways. so that is what is going on with music in my life. next thing. i finally have something that i have been searching for for a very long time. I HAVE A JOB. i work at burlington coat factory and i will be going in tomorrow for orientation. well technacly today because its three in morning but yeah whatever. im excited. i cant wait to get money yayy! there are still holes in my life that need to be filled. but all in good time. but i finally caught my break with this job and so things are looking up just a little bit. and so i am going down a new road in life and im excited for a change. so that is my life so far. oh yeah and allison i need a hair trim soon. :)